When someone follows your advice (surprisingly)

People keep telling me, I mean it, for years people have been telling me, that I should start a blog. 

I don’t wanna start a blog.
You start a blog.
I want to write stories. Stories about far away lands, and worlds that exist in my imagination only. Stories that tell of amazing characters who you’ll love or hate with such a passion that it makes you feel alive again. And landscapes, beautiful and breathtaking. And creatures, weird and amazing, that you wish existed for real (even though in reality you definitely wouldn’t want to encounter any of them, I mean, orcs?)

I don’t want to write about our own stupid, boring world, our depressing world, and how wrong it all is. Or about the ‘funny things that I notice around me’. Ugh. Stop. Please go. Just go. Don’t talk to me about “starting a blog”. 

And yet they do. They keep saying it. ‘Oh yes, I had never thought about it that way. That is funny. You know, you should start a blog!’

Well, here it is. I started a blog.
And I bet they didn’t think about the next step in this process.
Because, dear friends and family, are you now going to read my blog?

Well??

Are you?? 

I doubt it.

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I mean…
The first post you’ll read. Of course you’ll read it! You’ll support me. 

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The second post?
Probably also.

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The third one?
Maybe. Most likely. Because this first post was about how if I did finally start a blog, I didn’t think you were actually gonna read it continuously.
So you’ll read it, just to prove me wrong
(which serves me right, because I admit that I partly started this blog to make you eat your words. So there, we’re both toddlers). 

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The fourth one?
Ugh… this is getting a bit annoying. I mean, I’ll read it.. cause – again, you wrote about how I wouldn’t, but yeah, this is taking up too much time. I have things to do you know, those boring instagram stories nobody cares about aren’t going to post themselves

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The fifth one.
Another blog? Jeez. Fine. I’ll read it, damn it. 

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The sixth one.
God! Again?? Can’t other people read this, so that I can unfollow without her noticing? Go out and find followers other than your friends and family for god’s sake!

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The seventh one.
Skimming it. 

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The eight one.
I’m done. I don’t care if she notices that nobody reads it anymore.
Okay, it is a bit harsh. I’ll glance at it. For the page views only, so that it seems like people are following her site. 

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The ninth one.
Now I’m done. Why did she even start this blog? I mean, who cares about what one girl thinks about things? Or what she notices in the world around her. It’s not as if her posts are that funny, or her point of view is that unique. 

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The tenth one.
Nope. Not reading it. 

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The eleventh one.
I don’t want to be her friend anymore. I’m sorry it has come to this. But the emails and insta posts about this GOD DAMN FORKING BLOG are so annoying! That’s it. Unfriend. Unfollow. 

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The twelfth one.
Aaaaannd… block. 

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So that is the story of how I lost all my friends

No it’s not. It’s only the story of why this blog doesn’t have an email list. 

Yet.
(dum dum dum)

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